A Declaration of War...

"So pick your friends out
I'll take my place and you'll take yours
Load your guns up...
Cause now I'm ready for your war..."
Hadouken!: "Declaration of War"

For the latest from the EIHL, have a gander at the post below this one (Arrivals and Departures)...this one is all NHL.

As for the somewhat antagonistic lyrics opening...don't worry, I'm not going all Dubya on you...let me explain...

You may have noticed, or at least formed the opinion, that I'm something of a Pittsburgh Penguins fan. This, in recent hockey terms, was the equivalent of being a six-stone-weakling in a maximum-security prison for the first year or two of my hockey-watching life, right up to the point where one of the greatest talents ever to strap on a pair of skates fell into the Steel City's lap, thanks to a bit of luck in the 2004 and 2005 entry drafts...the seasons were grim but with first Evgeni Malkin and then Sidney Crosby arriving, things have got better and better...and us Pens fans have enjoyed every minute of it (and if you don't know who Crosby and Malkin are, then let me show you)...

Evgeni Malkin...

Sidney Crosby

Anyway...this presents me with something of a quandary, as my good friends Matt and Becky, over at Five Minute Major, are (and don't hold this against them) fans of the Detroit Red Wings, who beat the Pens to the Stanley Cup last year, and are the only obstacle in the way of my team's charge to the Cup again this year, with the finals starting this Saturday, May 30th.

Well, at least Matt is. Becky is first and foremost an Edmonton fan, and thus is well-prepared for being the experience of being on the losing side in a 21st-century Stanley Cup Final...to Carolina, no less...although given the history of the Oilers, not too-well prepared...

And so, naturally, war has been declared-in true hockey tradition, the Breakaway and Five Minute Major, while being good friends away from the ice, will now engage in verbal combat throughout the Stanley Cup Finals, with Matt and Becky cheering for the Red Wings, and me advancing the cause of the Pens. There will be taunting, there will be jokes, there will be below-the-belt pop-culture references, and at the end, one blog will earn the right to claim their team are the better...

And naturally, you lot out there can follow every sledge, every dig and every obscure joke for your own entertainment...

And it starts now...the gloves, from this point, are off...I shall preface every post relating to the duel with an appropriate catchy title, as soon as I or FMJ (or even you lot out there) think of it, but for now...let's consider just why the Pens will emerge victorious...

"Heads I win, tails you lose
out of my way I'm coming through
roll the dice don't think twice...
and we crush...crush 'em"
Megadeth: "Crush 'Em"

Chris Kunitz, Sidney Crosby, Bill Guerin, Sergei Gonchar, Brooks Orpik, Marc-Andre Fleury. That's the starting line of the 2008/09 Pittsburgh Penguins. Two of the best power forwards in the NHL, one of the best goalies to come out of Quebec since some bloke named Patrick Roy, a lethal offensive defenseman, and a stay-at-home d-man who, some say, can cause an opposition forward to wet himself just by a raised eyebrow. Oh, and the best player to strap on a pair of skates since Wayne Gretzky, too. You can talk about the likes of Zetterberg, Datsyuk and Lidstrom all you like, but they aren't Sidney Crosby. And thus, they pale in comparison.

And then we have the rest of the roster. Evgeni Malkin, who, by the way, is like Alex Ovechkin, only even better. Jordan Staal-the best young forward in the NHL who isn't Crosby, Ovechkin or Malkin (Hang on-did someone say "Darren Helm"? Who's he?...). And a supporting cast including Petr Sykora and Ruslan Fedotenko, both Cup winners already...it's a murderer's row of forwards. Including two of the top five scorers in the NHL this season.

On defence-Kris Letang and the monster that is Hal Gill. This is a team that has a third line that can (and has) beaten many first lines...mainly because it has Miroslav Satan (a career NHL top-liner with over 350 goals) on it...simply because there was no space for him anywhere else.

Sure, you will say that the Red Wings and their loaded team came out on top last season. But that was last season. Even many Pens fans thought that team was a year too early.

This time round, though...there's a firm belief that the March of the Penguins will not be stopped. Especially not by a team whose best d-men are 47, 39, and 35, has the league's third-best Russian as their superstar, and is growing old faster and becoming more boring and over-praised than Susan Boyle (if you're not British, look her up)...

I predict Pens in six. Or more likely seven...

And no superstition about touching a conference trophy, never mind Chris Osgood and friends, can change that result...

Let's go Pens!

Arrivals and Departures

"tick, tick, tick, tick, on the watch, and life's too short for it to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out..."
La Roux: "Bulletproof"

I know...it's been a bit of a while...but then again, just rounding up the signings is a bit mundane, so I thought I'd wait until we actually had a decent amount of news. And after ten days since the last round up, we do...

Bracknell survive, Telford die...: Well, technically the Tigers are still alive, with the new owners taking a year out to consolidate, but the EPL still loses its westernmost team while one of the marquee names hangs on by the skin of its teeth. No one said a summer in British hockey was easy...

On to the signings, now...we've said far too much about the negative aspects of British hockey this summer...

Mike Berry and Todd Griffith to Newcastle: The Vipers signings so far this off-season have been a statement of intent-they're moving away from the big bruisers to those who can stick up for themselves but also use speed and brains as well as muscle to put the puck in the net. Todd Griffith is known to the EIHL after his stint in Newcastle last season as a useful (and skilful) forward, equal parts sniper and pest, and Berry looks much the same judging by his size (5'11, 180lbs) and scoring record (15+24 in the ECHL last season for 39 points). With Andre Payette returning to handle the glove-dropping duties also, the Vipers are clearly building a team of human sandpaper aimed at grinding teams down through constant pressure and no mean amount of skill-which, if blended properly, is a very strong brew for this league indeed...


Jeff Legue and Jason Hewitt to Sheffield: Meanwhile, the Steelers continue their philosophy of evolution over revolution-indeed no player who didn't play for the Steelers last season is confirmed as signing for them yet, although the goalie at least may well be new to these shores after Jody Lehman's departure for Denmark. Hewitt is a very good defensive forward (and British to boot) while Legue is one of the quickest and most dangerous forwards in the league-he and Joey Talbot head the Steelers attack once again, although there could still be a new star import forward to come...

Pavel Gomenyuk back to Hull: These re-signings, while not the most exciting, have all been very good ones up until now, and the Stingrays' returning d-man is no exception. He's not the most skilful in the league, but deceptively good in this league...rarely noticed by the fans but a key part of his team nevertheless, as he has been throughout his time at Hull and Newcastle...

Mathias Soderstrom to Coventry:...and continuing on such a theme, the Swedish d-man and one of the Blaze's best-loved players ever returns to the Skydome for another season. Like Gomenyuk, his impact on the team is rarely noticed, with many in the Blaze fan-base picking him out as the weak spot of the Blaze defence thus far. Unfairly. He'll never light up the scoring charts but "Matty" will once again be a welcome presence on the blue-line in the West Midlands.

Mark Garside returns to Edinburgh:...and with it, earns himself some serious pluses in the "loyalty" column...the young Glaswegian has developed into one of the top British forwards in the league over the past season or two, and can be expected to continue his meteoric rise next season...

Dominic D'Amour to Nottingham: A new-to-the-UK signing, finally! Linked with the Blaze last season, the 6'2, 221lb Quebecer is the player the Panthers hope will be their Steve Munn-an intimidating physical force who can chip in at the offensive end where needed, but will always take care of his own end. And make it an extremely unfriendly place for opposition forwards to visit...Well, that's the theory...

There you go...that's the EIHL news...check above if you haven't already for a declaration of war (of words)...and keep keeping your eye on the puck...