Sharpielujah: the Hockey Christmas Number One...

Yes, I know this is going to be a bit thrown together, but taking inspiration from the Cat's Whiskers, who have produced parodies left, right, and centre, and inspired by the bloody-awful attempt to cover Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" which is likely going to make it to Christmas number one courtesy of the X-Factor, here's a reworked version paying tribute to everyone's favourite Northern team and its favourite son, Andrew Sharp...I make no apologies for its naffness, but hopefully it will give you a (brief) smile. Plus, it's got to be better than reading all the fire and brimstone appearing in threads all over the British Internet...

So, I give you-the Breakaway's entry for British Hockey's Christmas number one. With a rude word or two, and apologies to Cohen, Jeff Buckley and Rufus Wainwright....

Sharpielujah
(Words: Paul Wheeler, music: Leonard Cohen)

(Introduction)

There was a man, named Andrew Sharp
About whom fans would moan and carp
But you don't really care for goons, now, do you?
He couldn't skate, or fight, or hit
In fact he was completely sh*t
For first Romford and now the Steelers too, yeah...

Sing Sharpielujah, Sharpielujah
Sharpielujah, Sharpielujah..

The hype was rich, coach's faith was poor
In the skills of number sixty-four
He watches from the bench, just feelin' blue, yeah ...
Til the night he jumped the boards in Hull
And livened up a game so dull
By bringing pain to Paul Moran's debut, yeah

(Chorus)

They tell me on the forums, true
That Moran's shoulder broke in two
As Sharpie drew blood and then licked it too, yeah
The Stingrays raged, the league reviewed
But Kozak trangressed next week too,
So Sharpie was lost in hullaballoo, yeah....

(Chorus)

The season passed, and his friends did say
"Look, he scored a point on the powerplay"
But still the rumbles came that he was poo, yeah...
Then Steelers went to Cardiff Town
And Finnerty, he played the clown
And Andrew knew his time was coming soon, yeah...

(Chorus)

And so we came, to that fateful day
A cold and wintry Welsh Sunday
When everyone knew things would go askew, yeah...
While Jody swears, and the Welsh fans roar
Sharpie waits for the Matsos call
And with two seconds to go he gets it, too, yeah

(Chorus)

So as MacIver skates away
From Jody's wrath, it's clear as day
Sharp swings his stick, with aim he thinks is true, yeah
Alas, his aim, it went awry
And caught a linesman near the eye
So Hicks and Jarvis tag-teamed poor Andrew, yeah...

(Chorus)

And now it seems, his time is done
For Andrew Sharp, the hired gun
The league and fans will throw the book at you, yeah
But maybe, maybe, time will tell...
You'll find a home in the EPL
As Scimitars or Raiders will sign you, yeah...

And if you should lace up no more
You'll live forever in folklore
As the mental one who played for Steelers, ooh, yeah
You may have been completely sh*te
But thanks for livening many a night
And wherever you go we hope you're happy too, yeah

(Chorus)...repeat to fade....

I know it's about three verses too long, but I hope it brings you a chuckle...
Round The Rinks Christmas Special to come tomorrow...