Swings, Roundabouts and odds and ends...

It seems I was a bit hasty with the earlier post-there's more news, including proof in the first item that you shouldn't believe all you hear...Oh, and all the links are now working-I didn't manage to copy the URL for the Steve Pelletier pic properly, which ruined one of the lookalikes somewhat. :)

Panthers new player announced: And, as seems to be the law in Nottingham these days, he isn't a centre (that would be far too logical with the Cats currently only having one natural centre on their roster in Matt Myers), but a left wing. Dwayne Hay comes to the East Midlands after being cut by the Fresno Falcons of the ECHL. The 6'1, 203lb Canadian isn't exactly an inspiring signing after all the rumours of Don Maclean, particularly as his much-trumpeted (in the Panthers press release) "NHL pedigree" amounts to two goals and four assists with five different teams in 79 games, and his career season was comparable to that of most decent imports in the UK (29+30 in 62 ECHL games with the Pensacola Ice Pilots four years ago). Compare that with Adam Calder's career ECHL season (29+42 one season earlier), and bear in mind that many see Calder as a pure sniper rather than a creator, and you begin to wonder whether Hay will need to be fed the puck to be effective rather than be the feeder the Big Cats desperately need. Of course, he could prove me wrong and absolutely tear up the league, but let's just say this signing hasn't really been greeted with the anticipation MacLean or even Tessier would have been. Oh, and he's coming back from a season cut short by injury. Can you say "underwhelming?", Nottingham?

Capitals release Jeff State: Anyone need a big crease-clearing d-man? (Panthers and to a lesser extent Blaze, I'm looking at you in particular here). The Edinburgh Capitals have parted ways with their biggest (well, in height, anyway) asset by releasing the 6'7, 244lb monster that is Jeff State (press release here). In the few occasions I've seen him this season he didn't really do much wrong-yes, he didn't look too special but could probably do a job as a defensive d-man in this league if anyone's desperately looking for one until they find the one they really want. It's likely he'll be off back to North America, though. This of course opens the door for the recently-released David Vychodil to play for his third EIHL club in two seasons after being released by Blaze...

Elite League in lookalike frenzy!: Lookalikes (except those forced on you) are few and far between in the EIHL, but here's a couple that'll just about work...the first not so much facially but in the marriage of large shoulders with a waist that can only be produced by forcing it into a corset on a nightly basis...Firstly we have the Panther and ex-Bison Kevin Bergin, seen in a somewhat compromising position with the shirt flying free around his waist as per usual...and second, here we have him in cartoon form....

Meanwhile, it appears that Welsh comedian Rob Brydon, here in an off-ice pose, is also moonlighting as a defenceman for Nottingham. Not wanting to be bothered by autograph hunters (seriously, how many people would want a Panther's autograph? :)), he simply adopts a Canadian accent and calls himself Steve Pelletier. For proof, click here and then click on the second-to-last pic in the album. This would explain why the Big Cats faithful moan about his complete lack of defensive positional sense-you can't write comedy like Gavin and Stacey and play EIHL hockey to a high standard...

Up in Newcastle, the current fashion appears to be "a haircut you can polish shoes with", if Andre Payette (the one in black, for those of you unfamiliar with his "distinctive" look) is anything to go by. Still, I suppose it beats David Longstaff's single-handed attempt to make this kiddy TV legend (Pat Sharp, for those of you under the age of 20 or so) look like a fashion icon, simply by using a ton of chip-fat to slick the haircut down. It's always Fun at the Viper's House...

Finally for today, we have Roman Gavalier of the Giants, who appears to be taking inspiration from a famous German. Strangely, he also tends to launch himself into the air quite regularly with little provocation...it's a strange way to hit but he's been sorely missed by Belfast this season.

And so there you are in our brief burst of Tuesday randomness...keep keeping your eye on the puck...

More hockey horrors...

You can tell it's been a slow day at Breakaway HQ, can't you? After the post yesterday about comedy looks in the EIHL this season, Matt pointed out that I'd missed Joe Tallari's effort in the Bad Facial Hair Hall of Fame. Perhaps this is because the shifty forward is always moving too quickly for me to catch it, or maybe I was hypnotised vs the Phoenix by the boy-band refugee that is Brian Passmore, but, as Matt says, that truly is epic-observe the way he's left it bare under the nose just so...

I also forgot this gem-it's Andre Payette rocking the kinda-sorta-mohawk. A long way from his time at the Blaze, where his matinee-idol highlighted hair clashed somewhat with the rugged bruiser underneath...

Making a run at Joe Tallari's "interrupted" image is Patrik Wallenberg of the Panthers. Has someone just drawn on his face with a crayon and forgotten to fill in a bit? The style in itself you can get away with-but at least try and make it all the same length...

Finally, we have the Bison's Steve Thornton. Great, great, player. But awful, awful dentistry...

One addition to the Halloween costumes mentioned below, by the way...and it goes across the Irish Sea.

Zombie: Troy Neumeier (Belfast): If you've seen the Giants' veteran d-man skate, you'll know why. He moves with all the pace and shambling gait of one of the newly-undead attempting to catch a screaming maiden. The difference is, this time she'll get away. Much like the vast majority of opposition forwards do, given a bit of space...

Now I really am done-I have to prepare myself for a night with horrific, scary hooded creatures who hunt in packs, attack without mercy and growl in voices no human can understand. That's right-I'm braving a trip to Coventry City Centre for a night out with my rocker friends, and we're already stocked up on garlic...:)

Back tomorrow with Round the Rinks as per usual-until then, keep keeping your eye on the puck...

Halloween Hockey, or Things That Go Bump On The Ice...

Notice that chill in the air? It is, of course, All Hallows Eve today-a day when traditionally all beings scary, nasty and horrifically ugly are allowed to romp and play for the last time before All Saints' Day breaks the day after. Obviously in recent years a few of those beings have slipped through the net after Halloween though, as the continuing presences of Jeff Legue (scarily good) Brad Voth (big and nasty) and Ed Courtenay (well, this one should be obvious) :) on the rinks of the UK will testify...

One of the major fun parts of the 31st October for many, though, is the excuse to dress up. And those players, referees and club staff we go to watch at the rinks of the UK are no different...So here's some ideas for costumes for them. Picked with the greatest of care, naturally.

A Donkey: Andre Payette (Newcastle): Well, it's only fair-after all, that's what everyone outside of Newcastle (and even some inside) seem to think would be the perfect costume. According to many he wouldn't even need to act.

An Executioner: Robert Stancok (Nottingham): Anyone who's ever seen him swinging that stick of his into the bodies of opposition forwards will know that, when it comes to wielding a weapon, the Panthers' Slovak d-man has no equal. Good job the "blades" of these sticks aren't razor-sharp.

The Grim Reaper: Adam Calder (Coventry): Seriously-has anyone ever seen him smile during a game?

An Angel: Todd Kelman (Belfast): No other costume would suit this paragon of virtue, who never does anything wrong and thus is perfectly entitled to protest violently from the bench at every single penalty given to his team. And if he takes a penalty himself? Better get the earplugs ready...

A Devil: Danny Stewart (Coventry): Stewie just loves to cause trouble-one of the few players I can think of who will be pushing and shoving with a grin on his face. And no-one is better at the cheeky little tap with a stick which is just soft enough not to be called a slash...

Chainsaw Kid: Peter Campbell (Belfast) : Just have a gander at his picture on the Belfast website. That serial-killer stare was last seen on Michael Myers in Halloween, I think...Just try not to make him angry.

Town Crier: Dave Simms (Sheffield): Well, town criers like to shout a lot whether people are listening or not, don't they?

Pinocchio: Simon Mangos (Manchester): Ed Courtenay was the obvious choice here, but given that he's still to come further down, instead we pay tribute to the nasally-advantaged Phoenix defenceman.

The Baby: Ed Courtenay (Belfast): Toys and pram are optional extras-especially since you would be spending half the night picking the toys up from where they'd been thrown. And a grown man spitting out a dummy could really do some damage if he managed to hit someone, so you'd probably have Health and Safety on your back as well.

Damian, The Omen child: Jake Riddle (Hull): Look at him. He looks about twelve years old (although slightly big for his age). But as soon as he gets on the ice, all that innocence disappears.

There you are, for now...don't get too scared this evening, and keep keeping your eye on the puck...

Hearing Things...Odds and Ends

Apologies if this post is somewhat disjointed-it's more to clear up several odds and ends from the last week or so in British hockey than anything else, and ranges from dirty hits to music to idiot footballers-turned-pundits. Also included is a very angry French-Canadian...

Last night the DJ saved my life: Well, nothing so drastic, but surprising nevertheless. It appears that my "hockey music" rants have either struck a chord, or maybe someone was just feeling a bit rebellious, but either way I was amazed and pleased on Sunday night to get a nice long burst of "Master of Puppets" (one of my ten songs every rink must have") during a outbreak of pushing and shoving in the Blaze-Hull game. Not only that, but the rink also rang to "Dressed to Kill" and even a very brief burst of Rammstein. Now, if we could just leave that infernal "Chelsea Dagger" to Nottingham, then things could really start looking up for us rockers at the Skydome. They'd still have a way to go to beat Manchester though-Matt informs me further that even their intro gets a nice burst of Saliva behind the intro video...and for the electro fans there's Depeche Mode amongst others.
Keep flying the flag, Phoenix-and hopefully the other rinks will follow suit...:)

In other news, football involves a lot of overpaid young men chasing a pig's bladder around a glorified park: Or, at least it does if you use the same "only use stereotypes" approach as Talksport DJs Adrian Durham and ex-footballer Ian Wright, who described ice-hockey as "nothing more than men dancing and fighting on ice" amongst other things. Ian Wright's pearl of wisdom was "it's cold in there. Although I guess it has to be otherwise the ice would melt". Aside from the obvious fact that neither of them have been seen around the rinks of the UK, I wouldn't mind seeing them saunter up to, say, Chris Pronger (6'6, 210lbs) and challenge him to a game of "dancing on ice" just to see how long they'd last. It's been mentioned that the EIHL should respond to this by offering the two "experts" concerned tickets-I have a feeling they'd suddenly be too busy watching a Ryman League game to accept. But come on, EIHL-at least try to change this image in the media...

NHL's "crackdown on hits from behind and/or to the head" is working. Honest: After all, there's only been three serious injuries caused by head hits since the NHL announced that they would come down harshly on offenders. The latest one is Patrice Bergeron, who was the victim of this hit three days ago. This follows Dean McAmmond on the end of this atrocity from Steve Downie last month, for which Downie got 25 games, and this assault from Rick Rypien on Mathieu Roy two days afterward, for which Rypien got...nothing, as far as I can tell.
But hey-so long as the sports anchors are talking about the sport on US TV, even if they are all saying that it's dangerously violent, then who cares?

"Hold me back! No, seriously...I'm really angry. Look-I'm making scary faces and everything!": Are there many sights more entertaining than hockey players pretending to be angry? We were treated to just such a sight on Sunday at the Skydome as Sylvain Cloutier went utterly gonzo at Paul Cabana late in the third period, requiring two linesmen to prevent him breaking free after the Hull forward said something. Cabana obviously realised he'd bitten off more than he could chew as he disappeared pretty quickly behind Jake Riddle and then put up only token resistance to being held back on the boards as Cloutier fought to get to him through a scrum of players while Riddle fought to get through to Clouts to back up his team mate. While all this mayhem was going on, involving Cloutier and Riddle exchanging cross-checks before being separated by being bodily dragged away, you could almost see Cabana, a short distance away from the mayhem he'd started, talking to the referee...
"That's it, grab my arm-I'm gonna pretend to shove you now, look startled...that's good...now I'm going to go left-block me-no, look like you're trying hard...there you go..."

And finally, in the spirit of Halloween: Is it just me, or are the players this year some of the most entertaining-looking in a while? Ever since Scott Young's flowing blond locks disappeared from the UK rinks, comedy looks have been few and far between. However, this season at the Skydome we've already had Ryan Smith's (Belfast) lanky serial-killer locks, Scott Fankhouser's (Manchester) natty little "fifties movie villain" 'tache, and, top of the heap, Rob Rankin (Hull) with his 70's porn-star goatee, which led to people round me making "He's come to fix the fridge, not play hockey" jokes every single time he came down our end. It seems the facial hair silly season has started early this year, and almost makes up for Mike Garrow (Cardiff) shaving off the goatee which made him a dead-ringer for Chuck Norris in his last spell in Wales-although, frankly, there's still time for him to grow it back.

Perhaps, some time in the future (i.e tomorrow) I'll come up with "top ten Halloween costumes for hockey players", but until then, keep keeping your eye on the puck...